My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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