And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
