I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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