Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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