In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
