hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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