I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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