then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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