I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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