oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
