matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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