Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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