my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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