I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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