There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
