Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
