i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
