i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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