the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize