I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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