Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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