Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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