They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
