I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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