Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
