you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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