I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
