im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
