You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
