he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
