i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
