i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
