Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just googled if crying burns calories
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
