"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
