Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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