Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
