This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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