As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
