Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
