Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
