I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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