she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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