Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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