maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
