If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize