Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
