what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
