I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My bed smells like the plague
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
