Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
