trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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