I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
