S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
