Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
