i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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