Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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