bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
