you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
