Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
