the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
