I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
