I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
