Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
