Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
