I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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