i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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