He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
