Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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