I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
