Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
