During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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