Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
