I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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