The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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