why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
