She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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