hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
