Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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