More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
