I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
