Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
