I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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