i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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