R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, he came in my armpit
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
