look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
