he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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