she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
