then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
