i don't like sucking hair
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
