Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dignity is for republicans.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
